BETWEEN THE DIAGNOSIS

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Ready for PT in Fallujah

Life is full of stressors

I, adamant about not being called disordered…

Don’t ask – Don’t tell

Leave me alone

Do ask – Do tell

For I am caught in a place in-between heaven and hell

It’s as if I am in a humvee in a small insignificant convoy…

Aimlessly driving…

The lead vehicle hit…can you say “I-E-D”?

The third and last vehicle has disappeared from my dream and in reality

So I am stuck in-between the convoy

“in” and “tween” either demolished or ousted

only I “be” left or is it right

damn politics add to my jam

“Con-Voy” – like “Em-manu-el” – without.

“man-you” alone “with” out “El” – even God

without “con” in “voy” – I am nothing!

I am in-be-tween diagnosis: PTSD – TBI

Something not right

Don’t ask me to take drugs prescribed by pharmacology

Don’t tell me I’m disordered

My stress is post traumatic

Spiritual, emotional, psychological and in-between

How about Post Traumatic Stress Disabled…or even Dead?

Part of me is dead to something about life

Something that not even suicidal death will heal

Could be a good thing – don’t know

I thought I had this “thing” beaten like my president said:

“Mission Accomplished!”

            Oops!

Thought I was unscathed

Macho and strong enough to shake it off

Told my story in a book I published

But whiney anonymous people kept speaking

Through their patriotic hypocrisy:

“Don’t tell me the truth of an unjust war. – Don’t ask me to look at my part.”

 

Yep! The lie is simple – we never learned from Vietnam, Cold War or Korea

War sucks… the life out of our given world…and for whatever its worth…me

Throughout the years war has been glorified…even if undeclared or unjustified

            O thus be it ever, when free men shall stand

            Between their loved homes and the war’s desolation

Blessed with victory and peace

May the heaven’s rescued land praise the Power that has made

And preserved us a nation…

Then conquer we must, if our cause it is just…

I be still caught in-between my founding fathers…

and the pursuit of liberty, justice and peace for all

enemies real or perceived are part of all

Throughout the years of our young nation, war has been glorified

Fight is might

Our Founding Fathers (and might I add Founding Mothers?)

handed down to us anxieties, constitution, stress, land, freedom

and making a living off war like in the sales… or aid

of weapons of mass destruction…yes, U.S…Ah!

Using, not loving our enemies

Using, not seeing how we enslave other countries to terror and devastation

I HATE WAR – War is Hell – Just ask FDR and the Memorial

Close to Arlington National where over 20 men I held are buried

The Founding Fathers didn’t find or found anything…

Except a beacon of hope

To live in peace where…

All people are not created disordered, but

All men and women are created ordered and equal

Our country we love was born of wars and glory

Our country is still seeking peace

…but we haven’t found it yet

The hope of course is in our Founding Mothers, at least in spirit…

Who will have enough of Gold Star Mothers and Fathers

Who will have enough of wounded warriors and disordered children

returned to struggle and demons and suicide

When and if we recognize that,

“War is the defeat of humanity” to quote a pope JPII of late,

If all are created equal             –not disordered, not partisan

not more or less patriotic

                                                –not even richer nor poorer

Then we have a chance of being founding fathers and mothers

of the first nation that does not crumble, disorder or collapse from within

The Founding Fathers and Mothers

encourage us to keep Amendments coming

until we find the right path to a true homeland security

and a motto, “In God We Trust!”

formed and made of inalienable rights

for all people of good will – all faiths

all Native Americans

and the rest of us all immigrants

brought here weary of oppression, slavery and lost

all enemies no more…foreign nor domestic in the post traumatic

Until then…

I be “in-be-tween” the diagnosis…like my wounded country

The brain in-be-tween the traumatic—injury.

Life is Good in GITMO Jumping in Cuba Bravo-Surgical

ron moses camarda +

***Ron served as a catholic chaplain in the fierce battle of Fallujah from October to December in 2004. He received casualties every day from 9-11 to 12-24 while at Bravo Surgical – a M.A.S.H. type Marine Medical Battalion. He personally received over 1500 casualties and 81 deaths; over 12 died in his arms. He also journeyed into the city of Fallujah many times while the battle was still raging and in the aftermath to minister the sacraments to the Marine, Navy and Army troops. He has not been diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) or TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). It could be a thing of pride or maybe, just maybe, it is something much deeper and mysterious.

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Samsung

war and sleep cartoon

3 thoughts on “BETWEEN THE DIAGNOSIS

  1. “Seeing Beyond Depression” by Jean Vanier encouraged me to post this blog today. The first chapter reads: ‘Depression: A Real Illness or a Wounded Heart?’ I read it this morning in my pile of papers. There is so much to process about our traumatic events (everyone has them). We just need to balance our distractions and really think with our thinking brain and not our feelings. We all play our part in the wars that touch and threaten us. We must start with ourselves. This poem today might trigger some emotions, but try to go a little deeper into your soul. We need to move from isolation to solitude (soulitude). We then must transform our hostility into hospitality. And finally, we need to understand our illusions and encounter genuine and authentic prayer. Have a most blessed day!!!

    • Hi Rita!
      There is no need to ease the pain, because there is great joy in my life. I still hear from many of the people I serve and also with the parents and spouses. I am grateful that God called me to be there, and I trust that God will continue to heal me .

      Love,
      Father Ron

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